


Infinite Insanity

by animegoil



Category: D N Angel
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-26
Updated: 2010-07-26
Packaged: 2017-10-10 19:56:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animegoil/pseuds/animegoil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The rain holds them entranced with each other that night, but Krad's seductions tempt Dark to the point of breaking his sanity with everything that almost had been but never would be, and it torments them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Infinite Insanity

He hated Krad. He really did. There was nothing he would enjoy more than bashing the sadistic freak into the ground and clawing his brains out. At least, he refused to think that there was something he'd enjoy more.

Still, there was something in his aesthetically appreciative brain that murmured '_Beautiful_,' at the sight of the white-clad angel standing in the rain, perched as he was on the clock tower. There was something pulling painfully in his chest as he imagined the look of taunting scorn on the angel's face, while making his heart beat faster too.

That same something involuntarily made his wings take off with a powerful stroke and lift him up into the windy, rainy skies. Another stroke of wings darker than the night they flew in, and he alighted gracefully at a safe distance from the blond.

It was odd how the clouds that made the sky darker in the day made them lighter at night. Dim and gray, it spread endlessly monotone, blinding fireworks occasionally glimpsed from inside its murky depths.

Krad spared him an indifferent glance, maybe tinged with curiosity, but it was quickly focused back on the rain that beat the stone floor and seas of roofs and paved road in a soft continuous lull. A pale hand reached out, catching crystal droplets and watching them with a sort of pained inquiry.

"The rain… is purging the world of mankind's sins…" he announced quietly, before turning slowly to Dark, who had been watching him with a mix of wariness and awe, "We are paying for our sins with this curse… but were they so great?"

"Are you asking if we deserved it?" Liquid amethysts couldn't stand to look anymore at those entrancing, icy golden eyes, "We didn't. But it doesn't matter in the end, does it?"

Footsteps reached his ear, and he looked up again to find Krad stepping toward him. He unconsciously shifted into a defensive position, but there was something hesitant, unsteady about Krad's gait… he relaxed, somehow feeling that there was no danger tonight.

Krad stopped a mere foot away, and, to Dark's credit, the thief didn't back away or flinch like the angel had expected. Well, Dark was too proud to flinch, but he sure as hell would back away from him. The blond knew the hatred that burned inside Dark; it was the same as his, after all. But…

"I never stopped loving you, you know," he whispered, glazed golden eyes tracing the sharp line of Dark's jaw, his hand lifting to follow the same path. Dark's eyes, however, were not with his, instead staring fixedly at a spot behind him.

"I know. You should have."

Dark reached up, wrenching Krad's hand from his face, though there wasn't the usual violent force behind it.

"You're drenched."

"Am I? I have been in the rain, have I not?"

Krad's face was tinged with a feverish crimson, and Dark held his hand with a forced roughness, because despite that fact that it seemed like a perfect opportunity to lash out and pin his predator to the floor and make him pay for everything he'd ever done wrong, for all the pain he'd put Dark through… there was this irresistible urge to let the hand go, to let it continue to trace tingling tracks along his face, feel the smooth fingertips lacing fire across his cheeks…

He dropped Krad's hand, stepping back, telling himself that there was no sense in tempting himself. Playing with fire only ended in a burn, after all.

"What are you doing here?"

"The same thing you are, admiring the night. A creature of darkness can do that, can't it?"

Dark wasn't sure whether the demon disguised as an angel was referring to Dark or himself.

"You wouldn't have called me if you were just admiring the night. You can do that from your apartment window, can't you?"

Glassy golden eyes took a moment to answer, whether deliberately or not, Dark couldn't tell.

"Clever, aren't you?" he giggled, leaning forward, his body pressing onto Dark's heavily. Dark stumbled back, panicking as he found a solid wall behind him. Had that been there the whole time? He'd been so wary, and in the end he'd ended up being pinned to a wall anyway.

Krad's weight made his knees bend, and the violet-haired thief found himself holding the angel up, as if he couldn't hold himself up. There was a dangerous glint in Krad's face as he pressed himself closer, his eyes looking up at Dark's, lithe arms wrapped seductively around his neck. His breath misted hotly on the sensitive flesh of Dark's pale throat, and he could smell a clear, pure scent wafting from the blond in his arms, reminding him of snowfall. Crisp, and clean…

Their clothes were stained shades darker by the rain, but an overhanging roof over the wall now shielded them from the sleet as light and dark stood before each other in the black night.

"I want you," the drowsy whisper sounded almost breathlessly husky, blending with the drone of rainfall, making Dark's skin prick with a hot shiver that trembled through his frame. He could feel the tug of lust, of wanting, of love, fighting against his equal hatred, stubbornness, and general reason.

"One night, one kiss," the husky voice repeated, and scalding lips were brushing tantalizingly against the corner of his mouth, teasing sensitive nerves into a frenzy. Burning, he felt like he was burning, like the hot tongue that teased the inside of the corner of his mouth.

No, no… he shouldn't, he didn't want to… they were enemies, destined to fight forever. The time when they had been a glorious one, when they had been together, a magnificent artwork made to stun generations to come, was gone. Long past, and nothing they did could fix it… no matter how much his heart throbbed for longing of that time. His frantic mind was trying to push the image of luminous golden jewels gazing with lowered lids that accented dark, delicate lashes, a deep flush, lips parted open, suggestive in their apparent innocence.

He wanted to push him away, he wanted to kiss him, he wanted to honor his pride and leave, he wanted to yield before the beautiful angel in front of him. He wanted to love, he wanted to hate… he'd wanted Krad, and here was a chance to have him, to be his…

No, Krad didn't love him. That was just a lie, part of the endless façade Krad relished in masquerading. It wasn't real love, couldn't be… this wasn't the way Dark wanted it…

"Get off!" all it took was a small shove, and Krad staggered backwards into the curtain of sleet, tottering on the verge of balance, eyes wide with surprise before collapsing to the ground.

Dark froze, and his world seemed to narrow on the limp figure on the ground, the raindrops making fake tears run down his face, fallen from the heavens. The golden angel sat up on one elbow, breaths coming in ragged gasps, the hand he lifted to brush silken strands clinging wetly to his flushed face trembling.

"A-are you delirious? Has the fever gone to your head?" Dark managed to snap back shakily, staring at the figure lying at his feet who gazed back at him as if lost in fog.

"You… you really do hate me… you don't want me at all," he murmured, struggling to his feet as Dark watched, unsure of what to do. Time was ticking, he felt like he was losing something with every movement pale limbs made to leave him, with every breath Krad took believing that Dark didn't want him.

_You're so wrong_, Dark thought desperately, but didn't know how to say it, how to contradict everything he'd made Krad believe, everything he'd made himself believe. The blond turned to leave, allowing himself one last brief look. A split second was all it took, all that was enough for Dark to see the barely concealed hurt on his striking face before his beautiful angel turned away.

His world crashed, he could feel it, or maybe those were his legs, shaking so hard he could hardly hold himself up, needing the wall for support.

Krad had turned away from _him_.

Not the other way around, not the way it usually was, with Dark brushing him off, for Daisuke's safety, or the commander's, or to salvage his confused emotions before one more glance of molten gold eyes shattered his heart, destroyed everything he'd tried so hard to hide.

"Don't!"

He'd never been much of a look before the leap kind of person. His body didn't wait for his mind to reluctantly agree with his heart, and he impulsively reached out, pulling Krad back roughly by his sleeve.

The ice demon was pulled backwards, bumping roughly into the thief's body. The sudden weight was too much, and Dark lowered him to the ground, kneeling in front of him. Violet eyes flickered from one wide golden orb to the other, his hands shaking as he held Krad by the shoulders.

"Let me go," Krad said stiffly.

"No!" Dark cried out, pulling Krad to him and pressing him as tightly as he could, wishing that it was as simple as that. As simple as staying together.

"You didn't want me," the angel reminded him quietly, but his words were betrayed by his leaning his head on Dark's shoulder, relishing in the warmth that stuck to his wet clothes like boiling water, warm, and spreading like fire. How long had it been since they'd embraced each other freely like this?

Much too long, that at least was certain.

They weren't sure how long the rain kept its droning pounding on the ground, how long Krad's body lay cradled in Dark's protective hold, but it was the most beautiful, peaceful time Dark had had in centuries.

_Please, stay like this, forever…_

"Do you really hate me?"

He sounded like a lost child, and it was probably the first and last time Dark would ever hear such a timid, frightened tone from the frigid angel. Dark couldn't hold himself back, there was no resisting a voice like that, the privilege of being the only one who had ever seen Krad's insecurity. Sun-tinted eyes spoke volumes within their golden depths, the raindrops that dripped from his hair crying for him as he knelt between Dark's legs, his shoulders held so protectively against the world.

Dark held him, gazing at them helplessly, before leaning forward and pressing his lips as gently as possible, drowning in the icy taste that seeped into his mouth with the fiery warmth that traced maddening patterns on the roof of his mouth. He broke apart, his body shaking horribly, but as soon as a few mouthfuls of air cleared his mind of the blank fog that only focused on one golden-haired angel, he dove down again into a frenzy of kisses that quickly lost their chastity and became passionate bursts and repeated tongue locks as their emotions finally broke through. His defenses had been breached; he'd wanted Krad for so long… They broke off repeatedly, only to begin again, and again, hands flitting hotly in between their bodies, around their torso, lowering in tantalizing movements, tracing gentler patterns on their faces.

There was no mistaking the love that blazed in their eyes, their actions alternating between passionately rough and lovingly tender. But the lust, the hidden motives and twisted past were present too.

"You love me."

His lips were seeking Dark's, knowing his weakness, knowing how his pulse raced and his mind whirled at the mere feel of the velvet lips against his. Knowing that he couldn't resist.

"Do you?" Dark murmured against Krad's pale throat, nipping lightly as he pressed his hand against the sensitive spot on Krad's side, drawing a short moan.

Krad kissed him again.

But soon the rain began sapping their bodies of warmth, like tendrils of cold that slithered and coiled around them, and one by one robbed them of energy. The night was cold and long, and the sleeting rain only seemed to get stronger. Pausing in his ministrations, Dark leaned against the wall and gathered the angel in his arms, pulling him close as they panted, devoid of energy.

The rain drummed on, and the wind drove sharp slices of cold to cut across their skin. Krad's body provided feverish heat, but his face had grown gray and sickly as his shallow breathing continued. The silence was stifling, but Dark preferred it, compared to all the times when their reunions had been filled with sharp insults and yells. He pressed Krad closer, kissing his forehead and stroking the hot lips as he leaned his head back against the wall. Their bodies shivered in unison.

"Why… why don't you just give up our punishment? We don't even deserve it, you said so yourself," the age-old argument was beginning, Krad's voice bitter, but Dark could hear the plead in it, and it made his heart wrench, his eyes look away guiltily, "You could have this body to yourself and you and I could live our dreams. Have a life of our own, together. Ah…" Krad's voice paused, and Dark looked down to find the amber orbs narrowing with something that at first glance seemed like hate, but the betrayal and hurt behind the actions were much more evident, "But no, because… what you really want is-"

Dark's arms squeezed the angel's body; drawing a sharp gasp out of him, "Stop it! You're such a hypocrite! We want the same thing, but I'm not going to stoop so low as to take someone else's life, or abuse my host!"

It was the truth, but it seemed to pale with the prospect of living freely with Krad. His angel, all his, to spend every second of their lives with… but… he had a punishment to fill out, duty, and even though he loved Krad, he couldn't bring himself to hurt Daisuke. He would have no problem hurting himself, but Daisuke was more than his other half, more than a part of him, he was his own person, a wonderfully talented and pure-hearted boy. Dark cared too much about the fire-headed wing master to betray him. And the commander deserved a chance to live happily and freely, instead of being tied to the Hikari chains. It was so obvious how much pain he was in, that despite Dark's general dislike, bordering closer on indifference, he couldn't bring himself to hurt him either.

It wasn't right, to be selfish… why didn't Krad see that? Why did he have to taunt him, keep shoving in his face the fact that through force, and betrayal, he could have the life he wanted? He wished… he wished he was cruel, and cold-hearted, but there was Daisuke to blame for that. Who could ever want to hurt an angel like that? Dark had experienced first-hand too many of Daisuke's emotions to not have been influenced by them. He knew how intense they were, he could see the beauty of Daisuke's innocence, the innocence he wished he possessed himself… he'd been infected by Daisuke's emotions as well. The time when he'd been a selfish bastard was long past. Through his contact with Daisuke, he'd become more human that he'd ever hoped to be without literally being one.

Krad's dull gaze seemed to bore into the crystal amethysts that looked at him with such distress, and almost as if reading his mind, warm breath fluttered against his ear, the husky voice teeming with conviction, poisoned reason, passion, a lie that Dark wanted to believe so badly…

"What you seem to forget, Dark, is that we are not humans. We were not created like them, we are… above them. Perfection in art come to life. That is what we are, and as so, we have no human morals. There is no reason for us to follow humanity's petty morality."

"You're wrong…" the thief muttered weakly, without being able to answer _why_. His hands tightened around the wet body in his arms, pressing the warmth closer. Wanting the moment to last forever, wanting the voice to shut up and kiss him, wanting to forget that they were doing something utterly unforgivable, going against their punishment, tempting fate. Dark's mind was walking the thin line between insanity and his desire to throw everything he knew away- morality, honor, reason… It was stifling him, tearing him apart thread by thread, his sanity was now fleeting glimpses that struggled to hold in with every word whispered in his ear, every touch fluttering down his back, the constant feel of a warm heartbeat pulsing against his chest. The molten gold that seemed to mock him.

"You are so naïve… sticking to human values like they mean something," he laughed weakly, and the sound made Dark's blood curdle, "But to you, they do mean something, don't they?"

"Shut up!" he growled. Krad apparently liked this reaction, the amusement clear in his eyes. This was a game to him, had always been, and he didn't like to lose. He had Dark to gain as his prize after all, and the satisfaction of watching Dark's mind warring between the different sides of his heart and mind, losing his reason with every second, was immense. What had happened to the beauty and calm of only a few moment's past?

"See, the difference between us has never been the way we try to accomplish our goal, as you seem to think… but our goal itself," his eyes bore into Dark's, and the phantom resisted the urge to flinch, "You want to be human, while I want to surpass them."

Dark was silent, and the best response he had was to look away. It made sense. Why had Dark not seen it that way before? Nonetheless, the answer was still the same- he would never be able to call Krad truly his. Was it because their love was only the result of art's pathetic imitation of the original emotion? Was it because they were crossing the lines set by their creators, their gods, when trying to become more than what they really were- artworks? No, they weren't even that. They had been, at one point, but now they were closer to monsters. Could monsters surpass humanity? Could they even be human? It was a puzzle that left Dark's mind reeling, feeling suffocated with the endlessness of their punishment and the true meaning of eternity. It was how long he had to figure out this problem, but the answer would always stray further than him, flitting above his straining fingertips. The End did not justify the Means, no matter what Machiavelli had once said, the phantom thief thought desperately, fighting to retain his morals. It was what had brought him closer to humanity, while Krad's heartlessness was what had brought him closer to his goal of exceeding humans to become something like a god- was an angel the proper word? Was this why it was so appropriate that Dark had been called a devil, while Krad had always personified the angel, despite the truth in their hearts? Because angels were above humanity, while every human had fallen to the devil's temptations, thus making them closer to demons themselves than angels?

Krad's feeble tug on his sopping sleeve broke his thoughts, and for a moment, the thief thought he saw a brief flash of regret in the ice-hunter's almost apologetic face. But then he realized he was mistaken, it had only been the strangeness of seeing Krad's ill face and his own wanting for Krad to feel remorse for the torture he put Dark through.

Krad lay his head on Dark's chest, listening to the vaguely rushed thump of the heartbeat, his hair stretched out behind him in a wet and tangled mess. He fingered a strap of Dark's shirt, idly stroking it, while his other hand lay limply on the puddle of water on ground, his fingers brushing against Dark's thigh.

"…Why won't you join me…?" he muttered groggily, almost to himself, before suddenly gripping Dark's shirt tightly as he began to cough. The jarring movement ended with Krad falling back against Dark's shoulder, breathing raggedly. Dark rubbed his back absently, his mind still trying to figure out the purpose of this mid-night rendezvous, while his heart ached with sympathy for his angel's pain.

"We're going. You're getting worse," Dark stated stonily, trying to hide the fatigue in his voice, inwardly relieved for the excuse to set out, though he was reluctant to part with the angel's touch, and leave this night as a simple memory of the night of their transgression. Lest he forget they were forbidden from each other.

He stood, carefully hoisting Krad into his arms once again, the blond moaning softly at the disconcerting movements. The thief hesitated before stepping out from underneath their sheltering ledge into the raging winds and violent rain, though their shelter hadn't been that whole in the first place. Half-lidded golden orbs watched him passively from their position lolling against his shoulder. Dark hissed and Krad closed his eyes tiredly and grimaced as the cold rain stung painfully and continually against their skin, robbing them of the little warmth they had left. Dark called out softly for Wiz, and then, with one beat of his glorious dark wings, they were into the sky, fighting for balance in the ravaging winds.

One minute of flight, and their lips, already pale, had turned blue, and Krad shivered uncontrollably in Dark's arms, so that the thief had to hold him tighter, even as tremors of cold ran through his body as well. It would only be a few more minutes until the reached the Hikari's house, and after that… Gone. Everything. Back to the way it always had been and always would be. He felt a nostalgic ache building up in his chest already.

"…Won't your tamer be tired tomorrow? After taking his body out for a midnight stroll an' all," Krad gazed indifferently at the blank space around them, his teeth chattering ever so lightly. His lips had become so numb that his words were slightly incoherent, mumbled frozenly.

"Look who's talking. You're the one who's sick because of your own midnight stroll," he paused, his wings heaving another powerful stroke against the wind and rain, and when he resumed, his voice held that tinge of bitterness that Krad had found he didn't like, because it almost made him doubt his own methods and goals, "It's not like you care about either of them. I've seen how you talk to your tamer. You tell him he's your 'everything'. Stop playing with the kid, he knows you don't give a damn about him! He's nothing to you!"

The ice demon was mildly surprised at the vehemence of Dark's words, whether out of jealousy that Krad could so easily say that to someone else, or the fact that someone who was supposed to be so important to him was treated with such disdain. Because if so, then what could Dark hope for?

"Of course he knows the _truth_. But nonetheless, he is everything to me. Without him, I have no body. And without that, I can't have any hopes or ambitions, much less meet them, and I can't see you."

"Stop feeding me these stupid lines!" Dark snarled, and his wings beat angrily, his eyes flashing with pain as well as anger, though they were focused in the endless abyss of the night, "You don't love me! At least… not the right way. It's not like the love Daisuke feels for your tamer, or even like the one he feels for Daisuke," he spit out bitterly, and the ice demon shifted uncomfortably at the strength of Dark's grip on him, "No, ours is a love born from a bond, because we can't separate from each other, because there's no one in this damned existence for us except each other."

Krad simply smiled as he looked at the insignificantly small town below them, "It is empty."

"Exactly."

Somehow, Dark managed to open the balcony door to the commander's apartment, a half-conscious Krad held sloppily against his side, and Dark paused to wipe his soaked bangs away from his face. The wind and rain battered them, and his wings ached dully from the effort of contradicting the gales. Water trailed in with their stumbling forms, though they were too used to it to notice, as Dark once again lifted the angel to his arms, pushing the glass door closed with his back, and venturing into the pitch-black apartment.

The bedroom was found quickly enough, and after stripping Krad's soaked clothes from him and wrapping him tightly in the comforter, Dark found that he was hesitating to leave. He ushered warmth into him, kissing his frozen, shivering lips repeatedly to force a response that numbly came from them.

He knelt by the bed, longingly watching his angel's feverish face, and reached out to stroke it gently, knowing he _should_ leave, it was late, he was risking Daisuke's body's safety, and soon, the ice hunter would turn into the confused commander, and their moment abruptly broke, and there were a million other reasons his trivial mind was conjuring to make him leave. But foremost was the fact that by staying, he was taunting the endless pull of strings on his heart to keep on playing, wrenching to their waltz in four of give and take, love and hate, back and forth, heedless of the damage they caused to the fragile tissue. His sanity was indeed fleeting glimpses at this point, obsessively focusing on the darkness that his light, his angel, caused him, drinking in every curve of that breathtaking figure that called out to him in his dreams and haunted his waking hours.

"Don't… leave…" _again, forever. _The golden orbs were open just a fraction of an inch, delirious, but aware of Dark's presence, and pleading. Dark lowered his head, watching the drops of water drip from his skin and hair to form dotted patterns on the covers. Like tears. Were they?

He was so tired, the mind games of this night had shredded the paper-like substance of his mind's already fragile wits, gone to the limit and back, and hadn't come out unscathed. This temptation was too much—he'd given in already once, but twice? He needed to leave now, before he got hurt worse, before the pain became unbearable, and he was forced to find comfort in Krad's cold arms, despite the irony that it was from there that the pain came from in the first place.

Dark felt like nothing had come to a close, and yet something had. They loved each other, was that not enough? He searched, he delved into his mind, his heart, among the closed lashes that hid eyes brighter than the sun and colder than winter, tried to find the answer between the cold fingers intertwined in his, but could not find satisfaction. They loved each other, but it was empty. It was an endless enigma, and it was cursed. What kind of love lurked between them?

Krad could not, did not _know_, how to hide the hurt that wept in his dull eyes as he saw Dark step back, holding his gaze the whole time, as if afraid that breaking eye contact would destroy something deeper still. He tried to lift his hand to reach out as a last subconscious plea, but his body was numb and unresponsive, he felt trapped as he was forced to watch as Dark mouthed a silent prayer, a soundless sorry, and disappeared. He lay staring at the empty doorway until the shadows of his mind overcame him.

Once the window was closed, Dark had flown away as fast as possible, his wings beating furiously, fatigue and cold ridding his mind temporarily of thought and emotion. He'd finally reached Daisuke's house again, and once there, he slumped against the wall, not wanting to go inside yet and break the night.

Heaven's tears mingled with his own until the storm broke and dawn was peeking over the sea again. And he was left, torn from reason, in the same spot as the day before, and as tomorrow would find him, pining over what could not be, but almost had.


End file.
